The Land of NeverWas

Where all the "Might Have Beens" live

Archive for the category “poetry”

goodnight

I look at the stars and dream and wonder

As the crickets serenade me a lullaby.

I feel the breeze and I think and ponder

As I close my eyes with a hopeful sigh,

And think wherever you are,

goodnight.

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standing at the foot of key mountain

i have chains

bound all around

wrapped within

held by one simple lock

it’s ugly

rusty

suits me

it would make Jacob Marley proud

but i know i can unlock it

and let the chains fall

all i have to do is find the key

no problem

it’s right here in front of me

in this looming pile of keys

of which i stand at the foot

all i have to do is find it

shouldn’t take more than

the rest of my life

i hope

so if you need me just follow the sound

of keys being chosen

shoved in the lock

and then discarded with a

“tink”

follow the “tink”

if you need me

i’ll be standing at the foot of key mountain.

mirage

I poured out my heart into the desert of Nothing.

Now I am empty.

My lips dry.

I thirst.

Will that next promise quench me?

Or be yet another mirage?

never

I’ve never felt so ugly as when her eyes admired another,

I’ve never felt so unwanted as when she wanted another,

I’ve never felt so unloved as when she loved another,

I’ve never felt so lost as when I lost her to another.

Never.

 

phantom

I am lightly dreamt and poorly written.

A ghost of memory spied upon the mirror.

The falling echo of a word unspoken.

All that I am is see-through and you walk within me unknowing.

roost

My words,
like a flock of startled birds,
flit and fly,
and when they settle where do they roost?
Within your heart
or merely upon your eye?

eldest

son of mine
the eldest
so close we were
what seems to me
just yesterday
you would look up at me
and i down at you
and there was nothing
but love there
nothing but love
alas that time
has gone
and now you are grown
and the love and admiration
in your eyes
has turned into
conflict and disrespect
while mine fill with tears
for despite my best efforts
my mistakes outweighed
them
so many mistakes
and the chasm grew
my successes diminish
my failures mighty
until i can’t even say
i’m sorry
because i have had to say them
so many times
those words
no longer have meaning to you
all i can hope for is time
to become my ally
and that someday
someday
we can look down at your child
together
and that at least i taught
you what not to do as a father
i still love you
my eldest

and i always will

bless the broken

bless the broken
for he knows exactly what he does
bless the broken
for what he creates he destroys
bless the broken
for he is among the truly lost
bless the broken
for he runs but goes nowhere
bless the broken
for the cracks through which he spills
bless the broken
for the chasms in which he falls
bless the broken
for he cannot escape himself

yes, bless the broken
but never, ever put him back together again.

Some crappy poem I never finished

she is there pondering it all
and the silence hits me like a wall
will we rise or will we fall?

i’ve kept busy trying to refrain
from driving myself slowly insane
with the thoughts that speed throughout my brain

patience, patience i tell myself
but it’s so damn hard

*This is an unfinished piece. I have decided to publish all of the unfinished ones. Thought someone might find my abandoned words interesting. Plus they are bugging me just sitting there in my unpublished bin. They will all be categorized under “Cutting Room Floor”. Consider it a DVD extra. 😉 *

Beautiful Stranger

Hello there Beautiful Stranger,
someone I once knew,
someone I could talk to
and not pretend.

Hello there Beautiful Stranger,
what have you been doing
where is your life going
since then?

Hello there Beautiful Stranger
it’s hard to imagine
all that has happened
that I know nothing about.

Hello there Beautiful Stranger
I once called you lover
but that now is over
and I have my doubt

That you will ever be
more than a Beautiful Stranger
again.

kiss

All it would have taken was a kiss.
I know this.
A long, deep look into my eyes.
Yours full of nervous anticipation.
Mine full of desire and disbelief
that I finally had you in my arms.
My hands in your hair.
Your head tilted back and your eyes closed.
Just a gentle touch of the lips,
softly, tasting, caressing.
At first.
Tiny nibbles on your lips.
My hand caresses the side of your face
traces down your neck.
Then the storm of passion ignites
and we are lost on the tossing
waves of the sea of passion
as our lips
press together
more intensely
and our tongues
dance together
then separate
repeatedly
and we become more
than human we become two souls
interlocking, interweaving,
spinning into love
lust
desire
emotion
sweet sweet emotion
that opens our hearts
creakily
for they have been closed
so long
but now the doors fly open
and the sun shines in
and I feel a tear
well up in my eye
and that tear leads me back
to reality.

For this never happened
we never fell
we never loved
and all it would have taken was a
kiss.

flood

I didn’t think I had

that many tears inside of me.

They came in a flood

and every one had your name in it.

The goodbyes streaked down my face

and spattered onto my dreams

bursting them with the softest of pops.

My throat was sore

as if the pain in my heart

had caught there.

I walked in the rain

so no one could tell

the difference between

the tears from the sky

and the tears from within.

I hoped for lightning to strike me down

but the only bolt that shook me was

the one that kept shattering me

over and over again.

The final goodbye that struck my

tree of hope and

left it a burning, smoking husk

charred beyond recognition.

My tears rained down

in torrents and all I held dear

was washed away in the

flood.

maybe someday

maybe someday
if things seem dark
and you need a smile

maybe someday
you can say hello
and we can sit for a while

maybe someday
if things go wrong
and you need a friend

maybe someday
I would love to
hear you say hello again

maybe someday
if the clouds grow dark
and the world grows cold

maybe someday
you can smile at me
and my hand you’ll hold

maybe someday
although I know that
the odds are small

maybe someday
you can come back around
and be my All

understand

I want to say
that the pain made me
crazy, just for a minute,
and I lashed out from
hurt and thought if I
wrapped myself in anger
that it would shield me
from the pain I felt
but it didn’t work and
I can never stay angry
at you very long and
once that went away
it all rushed back in and
ganged up on me and
also I knew I wouldn’t
be able to stop talking
to you without some help
so I said the meanest
things I could think of
so you would be angry,
or hate me, just so
no matter how I begged
you would never respond
ever again because
otherwise I just can’t
stay away from you,
the drug of my soul,
but I never thought you’d
turn indifferent to me and
I think that hurts more than
anything and now I wish I
hadn’t done it, but I was too
successful at what I
was trying to do and
now we can’t speak
at all, and I am going
crazy because talking
to you was like making love
to you with my words
and I think I got off
on that more than
anything else because it
touched my soul and
not just my body but
now that is all gone
too because I was
too good at being an
asshole that very last
day, but I wish you
could just forgive me
and let me back in but I
know that won’t happen
because I destroyed it
all like I planned, so
impulsively and finally
and now I’m lost
without you.

Understand?

time

time to let the tears
flow
and get it over with

time to let hope
go
and stop being foolish

time to realize
that
she is happy while i am sad

time to hurt so
badly
that i can barely breathe

time to try and
be
happy for her despite the pain

time to wave
goodbye
and stop keeping it all in

time to cry,
yes,
time to cry and say goodbye

time to admit
that
it’s just time.

smaller

do you see me
growing smaller and smaller
in your mind’s rear view mirror?

are you looking back
as you drift away
to see me standing there shrinking?

do you see me
growing smaller and smaller
in your fading thoughts of me?

am i losing
clarity in your memory
as i fade away to nothing?

will nothing i
have ever said
keep me from that fate?

do you see me
growing smaller and smaller
standing there tiny and forlorn?

soon there will
be nothing as I disappear
with a muted pop

like a bubble of
memory that you no
longer let float in your mind.

do you see me
I can’t help but wonder
growing smaller and smaller?

yeah, that.

That feeling
Like you are pushing and pushing
then the object you have been
pushing on suddenly moves away
and you are left imbalanced
trying not to fall.

That feeling
when you realize that what
you thought was growing
was actually never there to begin
with and you were just
watching empty dirt.

That feeling
when you finally begin
to understand that you really
and truly have been set aside
and nothing you say or do
will ever matter again.

That feeling
when you are just getting
to know someone, who they are
and what they are about,
so you think, but then suddenly
you are strangers all over again.

That feeling
when you get so angry
that you were just being used
all along and was so blind to
that fact and then you begin to
feel so fucking stupid.

That feeling
knowing that you are no
longer in the thoughts of
the one who you can’t get
out of your mind and how
much that hurts.

That feeling
when all of this is dawning
on you and you are trying to
turn away and get on with your
life again but those feelings are
so hard to separate yourself from.

Yeah, that.

nothing

there will be nothing left for you to see.
no inkling of anything to do with me.
nothing here, nothing there,
there will be nothing for you anywhere.
you have made your choice,
so no more will my voice,
share a thing or a feeling,
or pour out of my being,
in heartfelt love or pain.
it will wash away with the rain.

in the dark when your heart gently weeps
at the things you denied but which it still keeps
close to itself, all alone does it cry,
asking, with mine, why why why?
something that shall never be answered,
by thought, by deed or even by word.
i can’t fight the enemy of the past
and finally at long last
i just have to let the thing
go and, hurt as it may, become nothing.

and so i thought….wrongly

You know, I thought that I would be
the man who fit that hole in your heart
snugly like a puzzle piece.

You know, I thought that you would be
the one that would teach me
how to love unconditionally.

You know, I thought, like a stupid pup,
that maybe, at long last,
things were finally looking up.

You know, I thought this of you,
that perhaps, after all,
a dream could come true.

You know, I thought this all along,
but now I stand confused at
how I could be so terribly…wrong.

regrets

I know that regrets
are frowned upon
but I wonder if I might be
allowed just a few?

Might I regret
that I will never
dance slowly under
the stars with you?

Might I also regret
that our lips will
never meet in a
kiss, sweet and tender?

And may I add to the list
of regrets I make,
all the memories ne’er made
I now won’t get to remember?

If it’s not too much
to ask while asking
I’d like to know if
I could add this and such.

That I regret not walking
hand in hand with you
as day turns into dusk.
Would this be asking too much?

I know that regrets
are frowned upon and
I shall try not to make
it too long a list.

But that will be
most hard it seems
when I can’t stop thinking
of all the things we missed.

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