salvation
that was close.
fuck.
you almost had me.you almost pulled me out into the light.i almost let you.luckily you let me know i was imagining things so that i could fall back into the place that is most comfortable.the black cold void.it’s peaceful here.and i can concentrate without thoughts of you swirling around making me do stupid shit like smile and daydream.too distracting.i have work to do.things to take care of.i don’t want the turmoil of salvation.i don’t want the vulnerability.too much uncomfortable happiness.thank you for reminding me of this.thank you for making decisions for me.thank you for knowing what i wanted instead of letting me decide that for myself.thank you for not really being my salvation.
fuck.
that was close.
The Land of NeverWas 
Your torment is palpable. It reminds me of a poem I once read, and I’ve taken the liberty to revise it slightly. Please forgive me.
Pale brows, still hands and dim hair,
I had a beautiful friend
And dreamed that the old despair
Would end in love in the end:
[I] looked in [her] heart one day
And saw [his] image was there;
[I] have gone weeping away.
his image on her heart
is denial on her part.
the only image there
is this countenance I wear.
perhaps to this she will awaken
her heart pounding; body shaking
but of this i shall not know
because in error she bade me go.
i shall alone here be
wallowing in my misery
never knowing that in her soul
she rued the day she let me go.