The Land of NeverWas

Where all the "Might Have Beens" live

salvation

that was close.

fuck.

you almost had me.you almost pulled me out into the light.i almost let you.luckily you let me know i was imagining things so that i could fall back into the place that is most comfortable.the black cold void.it’s peaceful here.and i can concentrate without thoughts of you swirling around making me do stupid shit like smile and daydream.too distracting.i have work to do.things to take care of.i don’t want the turmoil of salvation.i don’t want the vulnerability.too much uncomfortable happiness.thank you for reminding me of this.thank you for making decisions for me.thank you for knowing what i wanted instead of letting me decide that for myself.thank you for not really being my salvation.

fuck.

that was close.

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2 thoughts on “salvation

  1. Sotiris on said:

    Your torment is palpable. It reminds me of a poem I once read, and I’ve taken the liberty to revise it slightly. Please forgive me.

    Pale brows, still hands and dim hair,
    I had a beautiful friend
    And dreamed that the old despair
    Would end in love in the end:
    [I] looked in [her] heart one day
    And saw [his] image was there;
    [I] have gone weeping away.

    • toddrinker on said:

      his image on her heart
      is denial on her part.
      the only image there
      is this countenance I wear.
      perhaps to this she will awaken
      her heart pounding; body shaking
      but of this i shall not know
      because in error she bade me go.
      i shall alone here be
      wallowing in my misery
      never knowing that in her soul
      she rued the day she let me go.

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